The me I’m not supposed to be…

What do you do when you find out you’re transsexual?

Why were the depressions and the loathing of my self not so strong 2 or 3 years ago when I didn’t have a female partner and with her two kids? My oldest, Adam, is a beautiful boy. And now we’re six months pregnant with another boy… Why was I so stupid and selfish and told her now that she’s pregnant? I just couldn’t handle it any more…

My depression got that much worse, because she can’t handle it now. She cries all day long and that’s the toughest part of “coming out” for me. I can’t even go to the bath room without    being ashamed and disgusted by “IT” being there.

My partner can’t handle the thought that she would be with a girl. And now that I told her, I couldn’t even sleep with her anymore because she knows that I envy her deeply for her body plus I’m ashamed that my body is male.

I’m seeing a sexologist in two days and will see a psychologist as well. So is she, my partner is at a psychologist right now and I’m watching little Adam. Am about to tell my mom this afternoon, a bit nervous, but I think she’ll be ok. So far I’ve told my partner, my boss whom I trust (she’s a women :), and one friend of mine(male). I am very lucky to have friends that are open minded, It’ll take while for them to adjust though because to everyone so far it’s a complete shock. I still am attracted mostly by females and I’ve never dressed like a girl. I have been b-sexual since I was 14 and I was open about it at the time but have stopped being open about it at about 17 or 18 because of the reactions, the laughing and all, it also did make it harder to date girls.

Now I can’t handle to be a man for another minute. I am a women. End of story…

Any comments or advice welcome…

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Posted on July 31, 2013, in All in all, fucked up, LGBTI, people don´t get it, Shit just happens and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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